The other night I briefly mentioned the woman who touched Jesus’ cloak and was healed (Luke 8). I have been thinking about that ever since.

I have always liked that woman. She had so much courage and so much faith. Not only was she societally unclean, but she would have been looked down upon simply as a woman in Biblical times. I also love Jesus’ reaction because it shows how unconventional, yet wonderful, Jesus really is.

Because she was bleeding, she was never allowed into normal society - always kept away from people and interaction. She was “unclean.” But she took a risk. She believed that Jesus could heal her. So she risked being brutally rejected, by not only the people surrounding Jesus who knew of her disease, but by Jesus himself. Yet she believed that if she simply touched Him, she would be clean. What radical faith.

The fact that she was a bold woman could have gotten her banished quickly as well. Jesus could have chosen to not even speak to her because she was of a lower “class” as a woman.

But Jesus did neither of these things. He called her out, yes. But He did not call her out to expose her or to humiliate her and “put her in her place.” He called her out to make an example of her faith, which had made her well. Not only that, but He owned her by calling her “daughter.” “Daughter, your faith has made you well.”

This is why we cannot lose faith. How many times in the Bible did Jesus say, “Your faith has healed you”? I’m not a theologian, but I’m pretty sure it’s many, many times. We wait in anticipation. We wait for Jesus to pass so we can run and push through the crowds. We cry, “Just let me touch Him! Move - I just need to touch His cloak, and my disease will be healed!!” We wait for Jesus to say, “I know that power has gone out from me.” And we sit at His feet in thankfulness as He acknowledges, “My daughter, take heart. Your faith has made you well.”

Faith. “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” (Hebrews 11:1)

“And in the fourth watch of the night He came to them, walking on the sea. When the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” And they cried out in fear.

But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.” Peter said to Him, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” And He said, “Come!” And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But seeing the wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and said to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” When they got into the boat, the wind stopped. And those who were in the boat worshiped Him, saying, “You are certainly God’s Son!” When they had crossed over, they came to land at Gennesaret. And when the men of that place recognized Him, they sent word into all that surrounding district and brought to Him all who were sick; and they implored Him that they might just touch the fringe of His cloak; and as many as touched it were cured.” Matthew 14:25-36

We wait in faith for Jesus to say, “Stand up and go; your faith has made you well.” Luke 17:19

I am so grateful for your encouragement. I needed it tonight to remind me that, ultimately, God loves us. His love is great and mighty. His love endures forever. Nothing can separate us from His love.

When I was little, my mom and I would listen to (and, of course, sing along with) a children’s tape by the Gaither’s all the time. There was a particular song on it that I was reminded of as I read your well wishes.

It goes like this:

“They’re all above me, beneath me, before me;
They’re all around me.
My Father’s angels all protect me everywhere.

I could never stray so far
my Father would lose track of where I am.
Angels walk beside me,
holding tightly to my hand.

They’re all above me, beneath me, before me.
They’re all around me.
My Father’s angels all protect me everywhere.

Even when the night’s so dark
I just can’t see a thing in front of me.
I don’t need to worry;
they can see.
They see me!

They’re all above me, beneath me, before me.
They’re all around me.
My Father’s angels all protect me.”

As we trust in Jesus, we know that He has commanded His angels concerning each one of us to guard us in all our ways - especially my mom (Psalm 91:11). We trust in His heart. As most (if not all of you) know, music is very important to me (thus all the lyrics ;o) ), I was just reminded of another song that my mom used to listen to all the time growing up, and it has helped me a lot this year. It goes like this:
“All things work for our good, though sometimes we don’t see how they could. Struggles that break our hearts in two; sometimes blinded to the truth. Our Father knows what’s best for us - His ways are not our own. So when your pathway grows dim and you just don’t see Him, remember you’re never alone.

God is too wise to be mistaken. God is too good to be unkind. So when you don’t understand; when you can’t see His plan; when you can’t trace His hand, trust His heart.

He sees the master plan, and He holds our future in His hand, so don’t live as those who have no hope for our hope is found in Him. We see the present clearly, but He sees the first and the last; and like a tapestry, He’s weaving you and me to someday be just like him.

He alone is faithful and true. He alone knows what is best for you.”

We keep trusting… keep believing… He is a Healer… We ask that, in Jesus’ name, He demonstrate that mightily.

But, ultimately, His heart is pure, and we trust His heart.

How does hope stay alive in the midst of pain?
How do we say with heavy hearts that God is King?
How do I sit here under the Hollywood sign when my heart is near the Golden Gate Bridge? I’m reminded of the cheesy song, “I Left My Heart in San Francisco” - because somehow that line rings true for me in this moment in time.

As I sit here feeling helpless to do anything, my only strength and lifeline is the truth that God hears my prayers – intercession for healing….

When life seems in the balance, God is steadying.
He is my hope and strength.
We can cling to hope and healing because no matter how things appear, nothing is as it seems to be.
We see in the mirror a dim reflection, but God’s glory WILL be revealed in full.
This song has been in my head lately:

“Life can be so good
Life can be so hard
Never knowing what each day
Will bring to where you are
Sometimes I forget
And sometimes I can’t see
That whatever comes my way
You’ll be with me

My life is in your hands
My heart is in your keeping
I’m never without hope
Not when my future is with you

My life is in your hands
And though I may not see clearly
I will lift my voice and sing
Cause your love does amazing things
Lord, I know, my life is in your hands

Nothing is for sure
Nothing is for keeps
All I know is that your love
Will live eternally
So I will find my way,
And I will find my peace
Knowing that you’ll meet my every need

My life is in your hands
My heart is in your keeping
I’m never without hope
Not when my future is with you

My life is in your hands
And though I may not see clearly
I will lift my voice and sing
Cause your love does amazing things
Lord, I know, my life is in your hands

When I’m at my weakest love
You carry me
Then I become my strongest love
In your hands

My life is in your hands
And though I may not see clearly
I will lift my voice and sing
Cause your love does amazing things
Lord, I know, my life is in your hands
I trust you Lord
My life is in your hands”

Trusting in Him~
JID

(Love you, Mom - lots and lots… my apartment is still waiting for you to come help it… you might want to hurry… ;o) )

While I was in the airport waiting to come back from Pasadena, I read the following verses:

“O LORD, be gracious to us; we long for you.
Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress.”
Isaiah 33:2

and

“The desert and the parched land will be glad;
the wilderness will rejoice and blossom.
Like the crocus, it will burst into bloom;
it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy.
The glory of Lebanon will be given to it,
the splendor of Carmel and Sharon;
they will see the glory of the LORD,
the splendor of our God.

Strengthen the feeble hands,
steady the knees that give way;
say to those with fearful hearts,
‘Be strong, do not fear;
your God will come,
he will come with vengeance;
with divine retribution
he will come to save you.’

Then will the eyes of the blind be opened
and the ears of the deaf unstopped.

Then will the lame leap like a deer,
and the mute tongue shout for joy.
Water will gush forth in the wilderness
and streams in the desert.

The burning sand will become a pool,
the thirsty ground bubbling springs.
In the haunts where jackals once lay,
grass and reeds and papyrus will grow.

And a highway will be there;
it will be called the Way of Holiness. 
The unclean will not journey on it;
it will be for those who walk in that Way;
wicked fools will not go about on it. [h]

No lion will be there,
nor will any ferocious beast get up on it;
they will not be found there.
But only the redeemed will walk there,

and the ransomed of the LORD will return.
They will enter Zion with singing;
everlasting joy will crown their heads.
Gladness and joy will overtake them,
and sorrow and sighing will flee away.”
Isaiah 35

We wait for complete healing and hope for the promise of eternity.

Last night my mom smelled soil. Neither my dad nor I smelled it, and since my mom loves to garden, we knew that it had to have been a gift to my mom. She smelled “fresh air and soil.” I told her it was Jesus’ gift to remind He is still here and that He wants to allow her to be back with her garden at home.

As we prayed over my mom last night as a family, we prayed for complete healing. We even asked for a tangible sign from God that she would be able to see the healing now. About an hour later my dad and I were getting ready to leave, when we looked at my mom’s legs. They looked the least puffy I have seen them since she got sick. The edema was lessening, and she hadn’t even had dialysis in a a couple days. It was an amazing sign to see that God is working.

We pray that God is healing my mom momment by moment; we pray that her stem cells are producing healthy bone marrow that is amyloid-free; and we pray that very soon her kidneys will begin to wake up and function as they should. We pray that soon she will feel freedom in her body with no more sickness.

I was reminded on the plane that Jesus healed people by just a touch. He would speak the word, or place his hands, even a touch of his cloak brought forth healing. We long to touch the hem of His cloak. To fight the crowds because we believe that if we can just touch the Messiah, my mom will be healed.

We wait in great hope, faith, and expectation that God will demonstrate that He is the Ultimate Healer.

As you saw yesterday, my mom had a “birthday” - “the first day of her new life,” as the nurses were saying. I was teasing her that she never knew she would be born 3 times. She was reborn in Christ and now her stem cells caused a rebirth. Kind of cool…

So last night as the day wound down and my dad and I were sitting in the apartment, I leaned out near the window and gazed on San Francisco…

The Bay Bridge was on my right, with Coit Tower on the left. Apartments were below and the Pacific Ocean stretched out in front. Large freight ships lazily sailed to their destination. People walked below - a woman in red sweats swung her arms as she briskly walked the evening away. Cars drove by; the sun was going down… life as usual…

Except life isn’t as usual. As I began to talk to God, I started talking to him about how life may be different forever. It was definitely a conversation - nothing was consuming my heart, and I didn’t feel like he was trying extra hard to say something. The girls at Bible study had prayed over me on Monday that I would have strong faith, and this week has definitely been a week of peace as God and I have been walking together daily - the goal is no circumstantial faith anymore. :o)

I kept hearing my pastor telling us that life sometimes isn’t perfectly packaged the way that we thought it would be. He said that sometimes we have to see “God tracks” to know that we are definitely in God’s will because nothing looks the way we expected. There is no doubt in my mind that we have seen “God Tracks” - now we just wait on His will to be revealed. As my mind travelled and I stared out the window, it was still. God nor I said a word. I resumed observing the San Francisco Friday night hustle and bustle. When quietly, I heard very clearly: “I am the God who heals.”

Obviously, I don’t know what that means in the long run. I’ve learned not to fill in the blanks. God knows. But to hear the reassurance from Him that He is here. He knows. He hasn’t left. He is intimately involved in the situation - more than I am even. He is the God that heals. He has spoken that. I am amazed that He said that to me. Part of me is kind of like, “Did God really say something like that so clearly to me?” But He did. So, I rest in - well, basically, I’m resting in knowing that that I don’t know. :o) But He does.

So we wait ... because He is the God who heals.

So, this truly is a “Journal Entry;” so if you don’t care what I’m thinking, don’t worry about reading this. :o)

So, my pastor at Bible study was talking about Philippians 4 Monday night. Specifically we read this: “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus…Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”

He was reminding us that we need to rejoice before we have our answer - that we need to be plugged in to Him so that we get His perception of the circumstance, and from that, we find contentment. He reminded us that we, as Christians, are so tempted to trust in Him on a circumstantial basis. We tend to fluctuate with Him depending on the circumstance.

I know that I have not yet mastered being content in every circumstance. Sometimes fear, worries, or insecurities keep me from being content. But God is showing me that He wants me to embrace every season that I am in. He wants me to be content with Him in every season. He wants me to feel His peace no matter what is going on around me. Though the earth give way, I need to be grounded in Him. Though blessings flow, I need to be grounded in Him. Nothing can separate me from Him; so why do I shift and sway as though He has not already taken ahold of what concerns me?

Today I got in from work and the hymn “Crown Him with Many Crowns” came into my head. These are the lyrics:

“Crown him with many crowns,
the Lamb upon his throne,
Hark! how the heavenly anthem drowns
all music but its own.
Awake, my soul, and sing
of him who died for thee,
and hail him as thy matchless King
through all eternity.

Crown him the Lord of life,
who triumphed o’er the grave,
and rose victorious in the strife
for those he came to save.
His glories now we sing,
who died, and rose on high,
who died, eternal life to bring,
and lives that death may die.

Crown him the Lord of love;
behold his hands and side,
those wounds, yet visible above,
in beauty glorified.
All hail, Redeemer, hail!
For thou hast died for me;
thy praise and glory shall not fail
throughout eternity.”

I am learning to praise God before, during, and after every circumstance - every moment of every day. Rejoicing ALWAYS. As we praise God for the victories, we trust Him for the days ahead. The days of sickness, tiredness, pain, and joy. He is crowned in glory. And we share His glory because of what He has done for us. He has crowned us as princes and princesses in His eternal Kingdom. Because He has worn the crown of thorns, we wear a crown of gold and jewels.

Mom, I’m praying for you, and I love you.
“I can do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens me.”

~JID

Thank you, still, for everyone who is leaving us encouragement. As the days go on, your encouragement continues to bless us all.

I left the hospital and, for a few days, am back to only sending prayers for my mom’s healing. My mom is definitely more encouraged today, but at this point her body is kind of discouraging. The edema is causing her legs to be so heavy. She is able to walk short distances, but the water tends to be just “hanging out” in her. The doctors told her she can eat whatever she wants right now as they are trying to “bulk her up” before the chemo, that will, Lord willing, happen this week.

Last I heard…

she is in dialysis and they will hopefully take some water out of her.

I was sleeping as I was flying home, but at one point, I woke up, looked out the window and there it was: Santa Cruz County - “Home”. I could see the cement ship and could figure out where our house was. It was really awesome. I’ve decided that home is where my parents and sister are. So, in a weird way, UCSF Hospital has become “home.”

We are hoping and praying that God will bring complete healing to my mom. “Home” will return to Aptos soon, we hope. There my mom will be able to garden and cook and scrapbook like she loves to do. And God will have restored her body.

No matter what, we trust and hope in Him.

“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10

I have decided to stay another day in San Francisco so here I sit. :o) This morning my dad and I got here early and hung out with my mom. She seemed discouraged because she has been in the ICU for so many days and just wants to get the procedure started so that she can, Lord willing, heal that much sooner. God is definitely showing me that I need to trust Him for life. There is no “And now I can take a break from trusting;” every moment we have to rest in God otherwise fear creeps in, and we want to once again control. God wants our trust every moment of every day.

Two of my mom’s brothers came today and while we were in the waiting room my boss called.

He wanted to see how I was and also to let me know that I received a giant family when I came to work there. He told me that The Hollywood Prayer Network had sent out an e-mail to tell people to pray for my mom. He also said that all weekend at the retreat they were praying for me. This morning during church the priest prayed for her as well as one of the members of our board of directors. My boss’ wife said, jokingly, that my mom is healing the Reformation - Catholics and Protestants alike are all praying for my mom. I thought that was funny. In a way it’s kind of true. I see God working peace in a lot of situations. Her name actually means “Peaceful.” That is who she is and what her life is bringing - peace. All that matters is Jesus - he is the healer of bodies and relationships.

A friend of ours keeps sharing with us an image of Jesus being a roaring lion protecting my mom. I love that. I imagine him roaring to protect her and shield her from harm. Yet cuddling with her in her weakness.

Well, after this we went to lunch and during lunch we just kept praying that my mom would be encouraged somehow. When we got back one of the nurses from the 14th floor had come to visit and my mom found out that more than likely they would be moving her back to oncology. Hooray for her feeling like she can move around and have some freedom again! She was definitely encouraged by that.

We trust for God’s healing. We pray that this is His will. God is good. When my dad and I left the hospital to go to sleep last night, God gave me this chapter (Psalm 42):

“As the deer pants for streams of water,
    so my soul pants for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
    When can I go and meet with God?

My tears have been my food
    day and night,
    while men say to me all day long,
    ‘Where is your God?’

These things I remember
    as I pour out my soul:
    how I used to go with the multitude,
    leading the procession to the house of God,
    with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
    among the festive throng.

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
    Why so disturbed within me?
    Put your hope in God,
    for I will yet praise him,
    my Savior and 6 my God.
    My soul is downcast within me;
    therefore I will remember you
    from the land of the Jordan,
    the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.

Deep calls to deep
    in the roar of your waterfalls;
    all your waves and breakers
    have swept over me.

By day the LORD directs his love,
    at night his song is with me—
    a prayer to the God of my life.

I say to God my Rock,
    ‘Why have you forgotten me?
    Why must I go about mourning,
    oppressed by the enemy?’

My bones suffer mortal agony
    as my foes taunt me,
    saying to me all day long,
    ‘Where is your God?’

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
    Why so disturbed within me?
    Put your hope in God,
    for I will yet praise him,
    my Savior and my God.”

Well, I am sitting in the solarium on the eleventh floor of the hospital. It has huge windows that overlook gigantic eucalyptus trees. My mom just finished kidney dialysis and is now trying to rest. My dad is taking a nap.

The doctor’s came in a little bit ago and said that things are looking okay. Her blood pressure is lower than they would like because they removed fluid from her during dialysis, but they are working on getting her some blood platelets and probably getting some fluid also….........

She “ate” something for the first time in 3 days - she had a protein drink - which is an encouraging sign as well. They think they are going to keep her in the ICU until tomorrow to monitor her progress.

Other than being extremely tired, my mom seems to be doing well.  And my dad and I are kind of in the same boat, but, of course not to the extent that my mom is.

One of my dad’s best friends offered to come and pray with my dad this afternoon so I am glad for that as I know he needs encouragement too after being mentally alert for the last 30 days.

People have been generous in their love and support to all of us, which we really appreciate.

One last thing before I stop (sorry, I’m a little more “wordy” than my dad :o) ) is a few verses that I have been reminded of in the last couple of weeks:

” ‘Behold, God is my salvation,
      I will trust and not be afraid;
      For the LORD GOD is my strength and song,
      And He has become my salvation.’
  Therefore you will joyously draw water
      From the springs of salvation.
  And in that day you will say,
      ‘Give thanks to the LORD, call on His name
      Make known His deeds among the peoples;
      Make them remember that His name is exalted.’
  Praise the LORD in song, for He has done excellent things;
      Let this be known throughout the earth.
  Cry aloud and shout for joy, O inhabitant of Zion,
      For great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel.”

Isaiah 12:2-6

Be blessed!

So I received a call this morning from my dad at 5:30 telling me that I needed to take a flight to San Francisco. Today was opening day of our Executive Program at work, so I had a car full of stuff for our retreat in Encino, which meant I packed, bought my flight, drove in to Hollywood, dropped everything at work, and then drove to the Burbank airport.

When I arrived in San Jose, Jocelyn picked me up, and we headed to San Francisco. We basically praised God the whole way up. It was amazing to head into an unknown situation and to put myself and my mom back in God’s hands. He truly is faithful.

When we got to San Francisco…

we stopped to pick up breakfast for our dad and us. Afterwards we went to the hospital.

My mom had a massive tube down her throat. She couldn’t even talk - though she did speak sign language to us. (Thus the picture on my dad’s update when she motioned like she was taking a picture and pointed at my sister and I.) Thankfully a couple hours later they had the tube out. She has a scratchy throat, but she made it though. And she was strong enough to have the stem cell harvesting today as well. Thankfully she had an ultra sound on her legs too, and it showed no clots.

God has been so faithful. Simply overnight, He has proven to me that He is listening. I am amazed that God would bend down and care so intimately about us. I suppose we ARE His children. :o) I sat down and prayed last night after I heard that my mom wasn’t doing well. The Holy Spirit guided me so that I was praying things I never would have thought of on my own, and so that I don’t remember most of what I prayed. But all I know is that I prayed that God would stop the bleeding, and He did. He is the great I AM.

Every time I think about my mom, I think about Job. Satan tried so hard to do everything to destroy him, but Job did not falter. My mom is the same way. Satan wants her, but he can’t touch her soul - he can’t touch the heart that God has adopted. He can take her to depths physically, but God is STILL in control. He’s not taking her anywhere that God has not seen. So we cry: Our Redeemer lives! He spoke the world in existence - I did not. He is in control - I am not. He is good. He is faithful. We have hope because He IS.

Praise to the God of all comfort!

First of all, I want to thank each person who has visited and will visit this website with thoughts, prayers, and words of encouragement. God has been reminding me over and over, “The prayers of the righteous are powerful and effective.” I believe our prayers have been thus far, and I believe they will continue to be. God is in control. As I told my dad today, “We know God is in control; we just have to find out what he’s in control of [as we walk day to day leaving my mom in His hands]”....

My mom has taken an unanticipated turn. She is headed to the ICU as they try to discover why her blood pressure has fallen to 80/40 and why her body is getting rid of blood.

I truly believe that God is in control. No matter the outcome - God knows.

He has given me an abundance of peace as I trust Him from afar when I’d really like to be there every step of the way. Growing up, I would have horrible dreams, so every night before bed, my mom started saying: “May your thoughts and your dreams be of Him.” So, now, we rest in His grace, and may our thoughts and our dreams be of Him as we seek His face and trust His will.

Mom, I love you.

~JID