5.30 a.m…

Thanks for checking in. 

Irene had a REALLY rough night; the nausea RAGED at a 10 on a scale of 1-10.  She was awake for most of the night.  We’re not sure WHY the nausea raised it’s ugly head…but it did. 

The FATIGUE FACTOR that she’s confronting is unfathomable…

Thanks for caring,
Dave

The UCSF team is amazing! We’re eternally grateful for this committed, intelligent, compassionate, empathetic, and world-class team that is giving of their lives .... to save lives.

Recently, we learned of the heroic efforts of Lisa Dunn. Lisa has been a hematology and bone marrow transplant nurse at UCSF Medical Center for the past 20+ years. Recently, she was nominated for the 2010 Woman of the Year Campaign of the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society is a national voluntary health agency dedicated to curing leukemia, lymphoma and myeloma, and to improving the quality of life of patients and their families. LLS supports the following major programs: research, patient services, public and professional education, advocacy and community services.

The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society’s Woman of the Year Campaign (as well as their Man of the Year Campaign) is not simply a way of honoring people like Lisa who give of their lives to save others — it is also a way for us to help Lisa support the mission of helping to cure patients with blood cancers. To that end and in connection with her nomination, Lisa has a goal of raising $100,000 in 10 weeks.

Irene and I would be thrilled if you, as reader of our website, would consider supporting Lisa’s efforts with a donation and/or your prayers. For more information, visit Lisa’s website, read Lisa’s support letter, and visit her donation page to contribute to this worthy cause.

Thank you for your consideration,

Dave

I have been giving significant thought over an extended season to the matter of SUFFERING and GRIEF.

I am reminded of the following from Wikipedia:

The Kübler-Ross model, commonly known as the five stages of grief, was first introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying.

It describes, in five discrete stages, a process by which people deal with grief and tragedy, especially when diagnosed with a terminal illness or catastrophic loss. In addition to this, her book brought mainstream awareness to the sensitivity required for better treatment of individuals who are dealing with a fatal disease.

The progression of stages are:

1. Denial — “I feel fine.”; “This can’t be happening, not to me.” Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of situations and individuals that will be left behind after death.
2. Anger — “Why me? It’s not fair!”; “How can this happen to me?”; “Who is to blame?” Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Any individual that symbolizes life or energy is subject to projected resentment and jealousy.
3. Bargaining — “Just let me live to see my children graduate.”; “I’ll do anything for a few more years.”; “I will give my life savings if…” The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, “I understand I will die, but if I could just have more time…”
4. Depression — “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?”; “I’m going to die… What’s the point?”; “I miss my loved one, why go on?” During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect oneself from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.
5. Acceptance — “It’s going to be okay.”; “I can’t fight it, I may as well prepare for it.” This final stage comes with peace and understanding of the death that is approaching. Generally, the person in the fifth stage will want to be left alone. Additionally, feelings and physical pain may be non-existent. This stage has also been described as the end of the dying struggle.

Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to people suffering from terminal illness, later to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom). This may also include significant life events such as the death of a loved one, divorce, drug addiction, an infertility diagnosis, as well many tragedies and disasters.

Kübler-Ross claimed these steps do not necessarily come in the order noted above, nor are all steps experienced by all patients, though she stated a person will always experience at least two. Often, people will experience several stages in a “roller coaster” effect — switching between two or more stages, returning to one or more several times before working through it.

I was particularly struck by a recent conversation with Dr. Jimmie Brewer, who related the Kubler-Ross findings to the experience of Job in the Bible.

I have conducted a quick study on the matter and am discovering the following:

There is a “big picture” issue of TRANSCENDENCE around the matter of suffering.  In other words, there is always much more going on than what is seen, experienced or understood.  God and Satan’s conversation about Job reveal a COSMIC STRUGGLE between good and evil.

One day the angels came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan also came with them. The LORD said to Satan, “Where have you come from?”  Satan answered the LORD, “From roaming through the earth and going back and forth in it.”

Then the LORD said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil.” “Does Job fear God for nothing?” Satan replied. “Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. But stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face.” The LORD said to Satan, “Very well, then, everything he has is in your hands, but on the man himself do not lay a finger.”  Then Satan went out from the presence of the LORD.

Job 1:6-12

Job was unaware of Satan’s direct challenge to God’s purposes and sovereignty.  Job didn’t understand the magnitude or reason for all that he was about to experience.  For me, this gives context for all of us as we encounter challenges in life that are difficult to rationalize and/or understand.

As it relates to the Kubler-Ross stages of grief ....

Job experienced DENIAL .... he worships God after learning of tragedy striking his family:

One day when Job’s sons and daughters were feasting and drinking wine at the oldest brother’s house, a messenger came to Job and said, “The oxen were plowing and the donkeys were grazing nearby, and the Sabeans attacked and carried them off. They put the servants to the sword, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!”

While he was still speaking, another messenger came and said, “The fire of God fell from the sky and burned up the sheep and the servants, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!” While he was still speaking, another messenger came and said, “The Chaldeans formed three raiding parties and swept down on your camels and carried them off. They put the servants to the sword, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!” While he was still speaking, yet another messenger came and said, “Your sons and daughters were feasting and drinking wine at the oldest brother’s house, when suddenly a mighty wind swept in from the desert and struck the four corners of the house. It collapsed on them and they are dead, and I am the only one who has escaped to tell you!” At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart.  The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.”

Job 1:16-20

Job experienced ANGER .... cursing the day he was born after recently worshiping God ....

So Satan went out from the presence of the LORD and afflicted Job with painful sores from the soles of his feet to the top of his head. Then Job took a piece of broken pottery and scraped himself with it as he sat among the ashes.

When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.

After this, Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth.

Job 2:7-8, 2:12-13, 3:1

Job experienced BARGAINING .... by pleading with God for his intervention ....

I loathe my very life; therefore I will give free rein to my complaint and speak out in the bitterness of my soul. I will say to God: Do not condemn me, but tell me what charges you have against me. Does it please you to oppress me, to spurn the work of your hands, while you smile on the schemes of the wicked? Do you have eyes of flesh? Do you see as a mortal sees? Are your days like those of a mortal or your years like those of a man that you must search out my faults and probe after my sin — though you know that I am not guilty and that no one can rescue me from your hand? Your hands shaped me and made me. Will you now turn and destroy me? Remember that you molded me like clay. Will you now turn me to dust again? Did you not pour me out like milk and curdle me like cheese, clothe me with skin and flesh and knit me together with bones and sinews? You gave me life and showed me kindness, and in your providence watched over my spirit. But this is what you concealed in your heart, and I know that this was in your mind: If I sinned, you would be watching me and would not let my offense go unpunished. If I am guilty — woe to me! Even if I am innocent, I cannot lift my head, for I am full of shame and drowned in my affliction. If I hold my head high, you stalk me like a lion and again display your awesome power against me. You bring new witnesses against me and increase your anger toward me; your forces come against me wave upon wave. Why then did you bring me out of the womb? I wish I had died before any eye saw me. If only I had never come into being, or had been carried straight from the womb to the grave! Are not my few days almost over? Turn away from me so I can have a moment’s joy before I go to the place of no return, to the land of gloom and deep shadow .... If only I knew where to find him; if only I could go to his dwelling! I would state my case before him and fill my mouth with arguments. I would find out what he would answer me, and consider what he would say.

.... I desire to speak to the Almighty and to argue my case with God.

Job 1:21, Job 13:3, Job 23: 3-5

Job experienced DEPRESSION .... by feeling alienated and forsaken by God and man ....

My spirit is broken, my days are cut short, the grave awaits me.  God has made me a byword to everyone, a man in whose face people spit. My eyes have grown dim with grief; my whole frame is but a shadow.  My days have passed, my plans are shattered, and so are the desires of my heart.  These men turn night into day; in the face of darkness they say, ‘Light is near.’ If the only home I hope for is the grave, if I spread out my bed in darkness, if I say to corruption, ‘You are my father,’ and to the worm, ‘My mother’ or ‘My sister,’ where then is my hope? Who can see any hope for me? Will it go down to the gates of death?  Will we descend together into the dust?”  If it is true that I have gone astray, my error remains my concern alone. If indeed you would exalt yourselves above me and use my humiliation against me, then know that God has wronged me and drawn his net around me. Though I cry, ‘I’ve been wronged!’ I get no response; though I call for help, there is no justice. He has blocked my way so I cannot pass; he has shrouded my paths in darkness. He has stripped me of my honor and removed the crown from my head. He tears me down on every side till I am gone; he uproots my hope like a tree. His anger burns against me; he counts me among his enemies. His troops advance in force; they build a siege ramp against me and encamp around my tent. He has alienated my brothers from me; my acquaintances are completely estranged from me. My kinsmen have gone away; my friends have forgotten me. My guests and my maidservants count me a stranger; they look upon me as an alien. I summon my servant, but he does not answer, though I beg him with my own mouth. My breath is offensive to my wife; I am loathsome to my own brothers. Even the little boys scorn me; when I appear, they ridicule me. All my intimate friends detest me; those I love have turned against me.

Job 17:1, Job 17:6-7, Job 17:11-16, Job 19:12-29

Job experienced ACCEPTANCE .... after God responds to Job’s complaint ....

Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?

Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone — while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy? Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb, when I made the clouds its garment and wrapped it in thick darkness, when I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place, when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther; here is where your proud waves halt’? Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place, that it might take the earth by the edges and shake the wicked out of it? The earth takes shape like clay under a seal; its features stand out like those of a garment. The wicked are denied their light,  and their upraised arm is broken. Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea or walked in the recesses of the deep? Have the gates of death been shown to you? Have you seen the gates of the shadow of death? Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth? Tell me, if you know all this.

Then Job answered the LORD: I am unworthy — how can I reply to you? I put my hand over my mouth. I spoke once, but I have no answer — twice, but I will say no more.  Job replied to the LORD:  I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.’ My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.

Job 38: 4-18. Job 40:3-4, Job 42: 2-6

We continue to give significant thought to the matter of SUFFERING and GRIEF applying the universal truth of scripture which brings PERSPECTIVE .... although admittedly, we still have many questions that won’t be answered on this side of eternity.

As with Job, there is much more going on than what is seen, experienced or understood.  That’s where FAITH comes into play.  We believe that the COSMIC STRUGGLE between good and evil is real, trusting that there are greater purposes, yet to be realized.

Thanks for caring,

Dave

UCSF called today with Irene’s amyloid blood test results:

Kappa Light Chain: 48.8
Landa: 56.0
Ratio: 84

What does this mean?  REMISSION…!!!  Yay…!!! 

The pure numbers are slightly elevated but the ratio is within acceptable remission margins.  UCSF continues to be amazed at Irene’s progress as she continues to defy the odds. 

Irene’s nausea is mostly tolerable on non dialysis days with it raging following dialysis on most evenings.  She tustles through the night and recovers the next day…at least that’s been her consistent pattern.

On another note, I woke up Wednesday morning at 4 a.m. and was laying in bed thinking about the scheduled activities of the day.  As I laid there Irene was sleeping soundly next to me.  The next thing I heard was an audible chuckle....and it was obvious that Irene was having a pleasant “dream” experience.  It was actually pretty cool and it put a smile on my face.  When we talked about it later in the day she couldn’t recall the experience or the dream…but was encouraged to hear what I had heard.

Thanks for checking in…and for caring,
Dave

Why Did Jesus Fold the Napkin?

The Gospel of John (20:7) tells us that the napkin, which was placed over the face of Jesus, was not just thrown aside like the grave clothes.

The Bible takes an entire verse to tell us that the napkin was neatly folded, and was placed at the head of that stony coffin.

Early Sunday morning, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb and found that the stone had been rolled away from the entrance.

She ran and found Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved. She said, ‘They have taken the Lord’s body out of the tomb, and I don’t know where they have put him!’

Peter and the other disciple ran to the tomb to see. The other disciple out ran Peter and got there first. He stopped and looked in and saw the linen cloth lying there, but he didn’t go in.

Then Simon Peter arrived and went inside. He also noticed the linen wrappings lying there, while the cloth that had covered Jesus’ head was folded up and lying to the side.

Was that important? Absolutely!
Is it really significant? Yes!

In order to understand the significance of the folded napkin, you have to understand a little bit about Hebrew tradition of that day.

The folded napkin had to do with the Master and Servant, and every
Jewish boy knew this tradition.

When the servant set the dinner table for the master, he made sure that it was exactly the way the master wanted it.

The table was furnished perfectly, and then the servant would wait, just out of sight, until the master had finished eating, and the servant would not dare touch that table, until the master was finished..

Now if the master were done eating, he would rise from the table, wipe his fingers, his mouth, and clean his beard, and would wad up that napkin and toss it onto the table.

The servant would then know to clear the table. For in those days, the wadded napkin meant,  “I’m finished..”

But if the master got up from the table, and folded his napkin, and laid it beside his plate, the servant would not dare touch the table, because….......

The folded napkin meant,
“I’m coming back!”

Powerful WISDOM in these words when an apology is needed to reconcile an offended party…!!!  Read and apply it to your relational network…!!!

Why saying “I’m sorry” is not enough
Offra Gerstein, Ph.D.

Everyone makes mistakes in life and in interpersonal relationships, many of which require apologies and redress. Yet, it is very hard for many people to say “I’m sorry” and even when they do it may be insufficient in healing the injured party.
You may remember in childhood being told to say “I am sorry” to someone who you have wronged while you felt no remorse, shame or even understood the nature of your misconduct. You may have further been coerced to promise that you will not repeat this behavior. You complied to terminate the scene.

Perhaps it may have pleased your parents to believe that they taught you a lesson in proper conduct, compassion and social responsibility. Actually, it accomplished none of the above. What you learned is to quickly utter these words to please your parents and avoid worse consequences.

The English poet, Alexander Pope, said, “To err is human, to forgive divine.” Making mistakes is expected and feeling regret about hurting others demonstrates our self- awareness and decency. Accepting apologies from others recognizes their imperfections and unites us all as flawed but lovable humans.

Beverly Engel in “The Power of Apology: Healing Steps to Transform All Your Relationships” states, “Apology has the power to heal individuals, couples and families. Almost like magic, apology can mend our relationships, soothe our wounds and hurt pride, and heal our broken heart.”

Regrettably, most of us have not been properly instructed about how to apologize earnestly. Many still believe that saying “I am sorry” is sufficient to mend all fences. Many erring individuals, who committed small or grave transgressions, utter these words to restore their own status, reduce punishment and/or keep the loyalty of others.

Current public examples of empty apology givers include; politicians who abused the system, athletes who used performance enhancing drugs, unfaithful prominent leaders who betrayed their families, their voters or fans, embezzlers and con artists, as well as criminals who committed unspeakable crimes.

We have heard their messages of “I am sorry for my acts that caused you to be disappointed, hurt or betrayed by me. I apologize to the families whose loved ones I hurt.” Too often these pronouncements are unconvincing and do not solicit true forgiveness.

Beverly Angel differentiates between insincere and true regret. “A meaningful apology communicates the three R’s: regret, responsibility, and remedy.”

Apology without remorse is similar to the apology given to avoid punishment or disfavor.

Regret, should include the expression of empathy toward the wronged person.

Responsibility is taking full ownership of the immoral or hurtful acts without excuses.

A remedy calls for promises not to repeat action, for seeking personal help and making restitutions for damages caused to the victims.

What is missing in these proclamations of regret is true compassion for the wronged party. I have never heard a guilty person actually detail the imagined suffering of the victims. An unfaithful politician has not publicly stated, “I can imagine how rejected, betrayed, violated, abandoned and humiliated my wife felt when I was out with other women.” Or, “It must be thoroughly appalling and repulsive to you to have rooted for me as your athletic hero as I was cheating, lying, using illegal substances and lavishing in the glory of deluding you that I was a super athlete.” Or, “ I can appreciate the disgust, contempt and rage you felt to find out that I, the person you trusted with your life savings knowingly and callously embezzled you of everything you owned.”

Americans are very forgiving people. We seek the sincerity in the “I’m sorry” and often have to guess whether the apology is heartfelt.

When you express regret for your wrong doings include true empathy for the victim’s emotional state regarding your behavior.

Only then, can the wronged person feel understood and tap into his/her divine power and forgive you fully.

Thanks for checking in...!!!

Today was Irene’s three month checkup at UCSF.  After the blood draw she was examined by Dr. Lloyd Damon who has been her lead physician since May of 2007.  Dr. Damon is very pleased with Irene’s progress/status as we await the cappa light chain (Primary Amyloidosis) results next week.  Dr. Damon is confident that the Amyloid remains in remission. 

We are, of course, awaiting its complete withdrawal from her body...!!!

Against all traditional wisdom and modern medicine, we're also patiently awaiting Irene's kidneys to wake up...!!!

Thanks for caring...!!!

Dave

Jocelyn is engaged to Jordan Dodge ....!!!

This evening Jocelyn and Jordan announced their engagement.

More details to follow .... and thanks for checking in!!!

Dave

JoAnna turns 26 on Monday, March 8th….!!!  She is looking forward to attending Talbot School of Theology this fall and studying Spiritual Formation.  This evening we had dinner at Houston’s in Pasadena.

Ray and Catherine Loomis joined us for the festivities.  JoAnna works with Catherine at Azusa Pacific University.  JoAnna has joined the entire Loomis clan for dinner every Wednesday night for just shy of 2 years….!!!  Ray and Catherine have become very important people in JoAnna’s life and are like family!!!

JoAnna’s close friend, Cheryl McKay, also joined us for dinner.  Cheryl is an accomplished Hollywood screen writer and wrote the script for the “The Ultimate Gift”, one of our favorite movies….!!

Yes, that’s an 18 ounce NY Steak on my plate!!

I was in S. Cal for business the last several days and stayed overnight at JoAnna’s apartment last night.  Irene joined us today after being driven to the airport by Jocelyn and flying SOLO from SJC to Burbank Airport.  As usual, she’s smiling….!!!

Happy Birthday, JoAnna….!!!

Dave

“.... everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.”
Matthew 7:24-25

Are you and I prepared for the storms of life?  According to Jesus, the wise HEAR his words and put them into PRACTICE.  They are FOUNDATIONAL to weathering the storms that will, sooner or later, rage in our lives.

Just ask any carpenter or builder .... sandy soil is not good footing for building anything.  The “Architect of life” instructs us to build our lives on the foundation of His Word.  By the way, he doesn’t say that if we build our house on the rock that the storms won’t come.  He says that we will weather the storms .... WHEN they come.

So, back to the question .... on our respective journeys .... are we prepared for the storms of life?

Thanks for caring,

Dave

“You’re the One I’ll Always LOVE”

“When we started out, we thought the road of love would be simple.  Since then we’ve discovered it has twists and turns, ups and downs, blessings and challenges, laughter and tears.  But through every step there is one thing that has never changed…There’s no one I would rather share the journey with than you.”

Those are the words in Irene’s 30th anniversary card to me which includes this verse, which was not only on our wedding invitations but is also engraved on Irene’s wedding ring:

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love” 1 Corinthians 13:13

I won’t share her “warm and fuzzy” editorial comments in the card…     

This evening, the actual day of our 30th wedding anniversary, Irene’s challenged by raging nausea and back muscle spams from dialysis treatment earlier today.

Thanks for caring,
Dave